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Memoir of the Broken Heart

And the lady whispers to the wind, "All I ever needed was to give my heart away."

As tears stream down her face, she silently says, "I've given it away but I still feel it with me..."

"I still feel it....

...suffering torment..."

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Of Apples and Dust

Of Apples and Dust Sunday 07-02-06 9:55 am

The boy who wandered through the forest, late in the afternoon, soon became hungry. His mother had warned him never to go to the forest, for a great many went straight to their untimely demise. He wouldn’t listen.

He told himself it was silly to be afraid, and thus, that very moment, he had unknowingly ambled not far from the very heart of the forest.

The setting sun and what was left of its rays didn’t permeate through the ghastly, dark trees that loomed over everything beneath them. It almost seemed like night.

Silently, he ventured through the woods, looking for food. At the end of the seemingly unending labyrinth, he saw a clearing.

It was still quite dismal, though there seemed to be an incomplete darkness. Everything on the slope was blanketed with fog and mist.

The boy eventually caught a glimpse of something up at the centre of the clearing. He squinted his eyes and went nearer and nearer until his curiosity was satisfied. He saw a leafless apple tree.

At the back of his mind, he wondered why the tree looked old, bent, and almost rotten; yet it held such luscious, blood-red apples.

Putting his hunger over his doubt, he started to climb the tree. He did not notice eerie black birds hiding in the darkness. He climbed higher and higher. But then, the higher he went, the more his nose caught a strange scent.

This scent was a mixture of apples and something…foul. It was very strange because even though the foul smell corrupted his little nose, he inhaled deeply to have at least a whiff of those apples. He often dreamed of the sweet, sweet scent; he didn’t know why.

He soon grew tired, and with his last bit of strength, he reached for the apple nearest to him.

The moment he had it in his hand, was the same moment he slipped. He grabbed a bark of the tree yet he still fell. He thought he would die for the apple tree was unusually high, but a soft mound of earth broke his fall.

His heart pounded hard. He was very stunned. He slowly stood up and saw a few scratches and developing wounds on his hands and knees. He was hurt, he was hungry, he was about to cry when he saw the apple at his foot. His eyes grew wide and his mouth almost watered. He took the apple and started eating it.

As he munched with glee, his eye caught a glimpse of someone sitting on a nearby rock. He was startled and almost dropped the apple.

He looked at the form on the rock. It was a girl. She looked a little older than him. She had black hair reaching down her back and she wore a dress that seemed to match her pasty complexion.

Yet even though it was so, her lips and cheeks seemed to blush with rosiness, with the redness of apples.

“Hello,” the girl said.

“Uhm, hi,” the boy answered. He felt something in his heart; he could barely describe it. It was something akin to fear coalescing with wonderment.

The girl started approaching him. Though his feet desperately wanted to run, he desisted.

“What’s your name?” the boy asked. The girl giggled, covering her mouth with her bony hand. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you. But you don’t need my name.”

The boy, hearing her words, made a confused face. “Anyway, my name is---” before the boy could answer, the girl hushed the boy, putting her fingers against his lips. “Shhh… Just go and finish eating your apple.”

The boy’s eyes were wide, his skin paled. Her fingers were dead-cold against his trembling mouth, his breath in short, quick huffs. Still he obeyed and continued eating the apple.

The two silently sat down on the mound of soft earth he fell on earlier. Still, nervous, the boy sat in a frigid way, his knees to his chest and his thoughts erratic. He finally finished the apple. The girl suddenly handed him another one.

“Have another one,” she said. The boy was puzzled. “How did you get this apple?”

“You don’t have to ask too much… You will soon find out…” she replied softly. He doubtfully took the apple and slowly ate it.

When the apple was half-finished, the girl asked the boy, “Do you know what time it is?”

The boy looked at his pocket watch and said, “It’s almost ten.”

The girl seemed to worry. “I must go now…”

“What?” The boy asked. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“It’s something I can’t explain right now. But you have to go home, too…” With that, she faded into the woods.

“Wait! Don’t go!” The boy yelled. He started to cry. “I don’t know how to return home…” he whispered. He silently wept, slumping on the mound of earth. He dropped the apple by now, his hunger turned to helplessness. He was silent for a while and decided to put the soiled apple in his pocket, as a memento of the girl, perhaps.

By and by, the birds that hid sauntered out from around him. The boy’s helplessness turned to terror when he saw the eerie sight…black, nightmarish birds surrounded him, in the foggy air, hopping on the desolate ground…by the thousands.

They all slowly approached the boy as if knowing that there was nothing he can do to save himself. The boy couldn’t move even though he wanted to. Cold sweat lined his forehead.

When the birds were about one meter away from him, the air whispered to him. “Hide under the mound of earth and start getting out of the clearing.”

He finally regained movement and unquestioningly obeyed. Once he was under the mound, he knew that the birds got angry. He felt them wildly pecking at the mound and cawing like mad. He inched away from the tree and crawled towards the woods. It seemed like forever, but once he reached the woods, the birds seemed to grow silent. He peered from under the mound, and saw that the birds were gone.

He then wondered how a mound of earth was able to protect him. He thought that it would have crumbled once the birds started pecking.

He looked at it closely and noticed a dirtied white cloth sticking out of the mound. He unearthed the rest of the cloth and to his horror, he found a corpse. The corpse had long, disheveled, black hair and wore a white dress…just like the girl he met. He was afraid, afraid that he met a ghost and sad, sad that the girl who accompanied him for a while was actually not among the living.

The corpse lay on its stomach as if packed to death from the back. He cried… Then in a while, he noticed the strange scent again…the scent from before. It probably came from the corpse but what about the faint apple scent? The boy slowly held the corpse as if to hug it, and there on its front side he saw three apples, rotten, dead, and wasted away like what was left of the girl.

“Don’t cry anymore…please.” The boy heard a whisper. It sounded like the girl. He looked up and saw her, still as hauntingly beautiful as before. The boy couldn’t say anything yet so he wiped his eyes. But he seemed glad to see her.

“Mother probably didn’t tell you about me, but I am your older sister.” The boy’s eyes widened. Still, he wasn’t able to say anything.

“I really missed you, baby brother.” She drew him close. She still was as cold as the mist but both knew the warmth they felt inside. “I was ten years old, about as old as you are now. You were still about a year old then. I had an argument with mother and so I ran into the forest. She kept calling me to come back, but I didn’t listen and continued running instead. I ran in the forest ‘til I realized I was lost, and hungry. I later saw the clearing and the apple tree in the middle. By that time, my anger had gone so I thought of both you and mother, and decided to pick three apples from the tree. Once I tried to reach for the last apple, I slipped and fell. I’m not sure now, but I think I broke my leg. I was sad, I had ruined the apples I wanted for our family, and I thought of how careless I was. My leg hurt so I could barely move. Soon, the black birds arrived and pecked me to death. I cried knowing I couldn’t see you and mother again… But I’m happy now, I’m happy to see you bigger and I know you’ll grow to be a healthy person.” She hugged him all the more. His cheeks were drenched with tears by now, his face full of emotion. The girl started to cry, too. “There, there. It’ll be all right now. I’ll lead you home, and you’ll be home before midnight.”

The boy was going to say something but the girl disappeared. The boy was confused again. He looked around and it seemed that the corpse turned to dust. The boy took a portion of cloth from the dress and put it in his pocket, together with the apple. He wondered how his sister would lead him home. Nothing happened. He began to worry again, but just as he began, the sweet scent of apples blew on his face. He closed his eyes and smiled. He knew he had to follow the scent. Later, at half passed eleven, he was led out of the forest. When he saw his house, he ran quickly to it. As he approached the cottage, he could hear his mother crying. He opened the door and ran up to her.

“Mother, mother, don’t cry anymore. I’m here, safe and sound.” His mother was very happy and embraced him right away.

“Oh, where have you been?” The mother asked.

“Mother,” he whispered, “I’ve been to the heart of the forest…”

“What?!” She was shocked.

“But sister has been protecting me,” he continued.

“Stop making a fool of me, child! You had me worried sick and now, more tomfoolery?” His mother began to get furious, but then he took out the contents of his pocket, letting her see the piece of cloth. His mother was speechless.

“And look, this half-eaten apple was given to me by her, too.”

His mother cried even more. “Oh, my daughter…”

“Don’t worry, mother, I’ll never leave you again.” This time, the girl appeared before the both of them. She embraced the both of them and said, “Plant this apple outside the house. This is a sign that I’ll always be with you, for I, myself have nourished this apple when I came back to being part of the soil around that tree in the forest.”

The boy went outside and planted the half-eaten apple. The very next day, they didn’t see the ghost of the girl anymore. They were sad at first, but they remembered what she said, that she will never leave them again. They believed that she’ll always be there in the form of the apple tree to grow in their garden.

-the end-

by: Sia, Ann Lorraine S.
3:13 pm

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I made this story on a Sunday morning in about 4 hours and 18 minutes, I guess. I don't know...maybe it was because of my mood. This story is about a boy, a corpse and an apple tree, pretty much. I'm quite out of it right now so I won't really give out a detailed summary. But anyways, I guess you'd have read the whole thing if you're reading this closing words section...either that or you have a peculiar way of reading by reading the last thing before reading the first thing. Or maybe I should change the closing words to opening words...or...or...(Narration: The one in black wallows in self confusion, fingers start tapping each other. The form slumps down, face away from the glow of the box-like device towering overhead.) Ha-ha-ha.

The Heart... (personified)

The Heart… (personified)
Friday 09-01-06 1:54 am

I could hear it…under my skin…palpitating…slowly.

Every beat is powerful, every beat is strong. Every time it throbs…is a miracle.

With it I’ve risen and fallen. Often it fears, it trembles wildly.

Also it is down; every beat slow…every beat powerful…and dripping with sorrow.

Though it is very much the carrier of my existence, my being, there are times it feels like a parasite, a cancerous tumor I’ve wanted to rip out since.

I could almost feel the numbing bittersweet sensation…

of my hand breaking through my ribcage

of my trembling fingers gripping throbbing meat

of the pulsing entity bluntly pulled out…

unplugged from the system.

All pain ceases and so comes the birth of life’s demise.
A smile colors my face yet tears stain my eyes.

…But all the breaking, the gripping, the pulling out…pure mind trickery.

The mind plays such a convincing symphony, no?

Again I hear it throbbing. Blood rushes up my head. Tension and resentment color my expression. My heart aches. I frown.

“I am hurt,” it says. My back is turned from it. My shoulders quiver.

“Wait,” it calls. “I feel so lonely. Don’t go. I…” Before I hear the words it said after that, I was already facing it. “What’s new?! You always feel lonely! You cause me nothing but pain! Because of you…I am MISERABLE!” I shot, eyes burning with intense hate.

My heart was stunned… Its already sad expression was now mixed with pain and embarrassment. Before it could say anything, I continue to curse it, now beating it up. I continue to hit it as hard as my fists cold muster. It tried to embrace me as I continue bruising it badly. It was beginning to bleed. I saw how evidently hurt it was.

After a while, I began to cry, my strikes slowly stopping. It strengthened its hold on me, stroking my back and my hair as a sign of comfort. I continue to sob, finally letting myself get embraced, tears not only on my cheeks but also on its bruised-up body.

“Why?” I sobbed. “Why are you so compassionate to me? Even after I hurt you when you were already so down? Even after all the times I’ve shown my hate to you?”

It was silent for a while, its rhythmic beat uneven because of all the harm I did. Then it said, “I’ve been in pain many times, I have been through failures. But that is what I do. I am supposed to withstand all the problems we face. But one thing I could barely withstand…is knowing that you are so sad…and that I am the one who caused you pain.”

I cried even harder and buried my face in its embrace. “I’m so sorry!” That was the first time I ever realized how hard I was on my own heart. I still remember it like it just happened…the setting, the events, the smell of blood peeking out of its bruises. I realized then why my heart was so down. It was all because of my desire for it to get ripped out. I know though that if I’d ever come around to truly ripping it out, it wouldn’t let go ‘til all its strength was used up…to the very last beat.

---Ann Lorraine S. Sia

3:24 am
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This was supposed to be a poem, but then later on, it became some sort of dialogue so I'll just call it prose work. This prose work is just kind of based on how I'd sometimes feel. Like when gamay lang gani suya suya diri, or problema dira, mu bug-at dayon ang dughan. I'd say to my friends: "Man, sometimes I wish I had no heart..." But then anyways, here's the dilly. I woke up at dawn I think to study for Filipino (I'm not sure if it was a homework or test), but then I suddenly had this feeling creeping inside my head. I know I can't describe it detail by detail, but if I'd put it in the form of a sentence, it'd probably go like this: What if the heart could speak? Well, there you have it.

Blogthings Test Results

You Are 40% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird... But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

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Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

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You Were a Crow

Eternally wise, you have a deep understand of ethics. You guide people from the darkness to the light.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

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I took this test twice, with the same input: to-be college freshman; and then got two different yet equally weird answers :gonk:!

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Redhead Cannibal. Where You Lived: Mongolia. How You Died: Hung for treason.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Diseased Alchemist. Where You Lived: Russia. How You Died: Suicide.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

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I'm actually a B, hehe...*reads* Britney Spears and---Hitler?!! :gonk:

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy. You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself. Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in. People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal. You are most compatible with: A and AB Famous Type A's: Britney Spears and Hilter

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

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cool 8)

Your Band Name is:

The Mormon Monks

Band Name Generator

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Hmmm, I took a Personality Disorder Test one time and my highest was on obsessive compulsive disorder... and my borderline was low/moderate. Hmmm...

You Are 32% Abnormal

You are at low risk for being a psychopath. It is unlikely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

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You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition. Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone. Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient. A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people. You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others. Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone. But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

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Your Monster Profile

Cruel Killer You Feast On: Grass You Lurk Around In: Swingers Clubs You Especially Like to Torment: Hicks

What's Your Monster Name?

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Your Dating Purity Score: 100%

You are an innocent dater. You're either lacking in dating experience or have had a long serious relationship. Either way, there's still plenty of fish in the sea out there for you to sample!

Dating Purity Test

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You Are 40% Evil

A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil.

How Evil Are You?

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Your Personality is the Rarest (INFJ)

Your personality type is introspective, principled, self critical, and sensitive. Only about 2% of all people have your personality - including 3% of all women and around 1% of all men. You are Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling, and Judging.

How Rare Is Your Personality?

An Amazing Encounter with the Lord Jesus Christ. Praise the Lord all our days!!

This post is made on March 25, 2006.
Hello, well, I would just like to say that on March 22-24, 2006, PCGS 4th year batch 2005-2006 had a retreat in Mandaue Gospel Center and I would like to express how that retreat was actually an encounter with God and how that has changed me. I will not divulge much of the encounter so that the impact will not be altered...and even tho I tell of the exact things we did, you will not understand until you yourself experience something like that. I want to be the best I can be for Him. I want to sin less and be sexually pure and turn my eyes and thoughts from evil things. I, most of all, want to be like Christ and to do my best to have compassion for others. I don't want to judge people anymore. I'm not perfect but I just want to do my best to please Him. I don't want to let the Lord grieve for every time I sin.
We did amazing things, eye-openers that made me and some others realize how much our Lord and saviour Jesus Christ loves us that he sacrificed His life, His crown in heaven, and His riches, just for us. He let Himself get arrested, ridiculed, mocked, spit on, flogged, beaten, crowned with a crown of thorns that pierced His head, and many, many others. He let Himself die a death that, during their times, was the lowliest kind of death. Crucifixion was a death for criminals and such. He's the opposite of a criminal. He's holy and innocent and came down to lay down His life for us who rejected Him and condemned Him to die on the cross for our own disgusting sins. We let Him, innocent and noble, die for us immoral people. That's why, because He payed the horrendous penalty of death on the cross just for us, we should repent our sinful ways and stay repented. Thank You Lord, for loving us so much; for loving us with a love so noble, so pure, so lovely, a love too great for us to comprehend.

one of my fave songs is playing!!!

----but then, there's something wrong with the frickin' sound processor! the voice sounds so much like a sissy!!!!! x( ew